Marriage Not for Everybody

Some people imagine getting married and running off into the sunset like in a fairytale.  It's ok to imagine, but people shouldn’t let their imagination be the reason why they’re getting married.  The truth is, not everyone will have the opportunity or displeasure of getting married because marriage is not for everybody. So before becoming one with someone you need to become one with yourself.  There are many questions you need to ask yourself such as do you know what marriage is and can you put up with your partner's flaws for the rest of your life?

Wedding Dress_Marriage Not for Everybody. Photo by Natoya Yarde


Eliminate Mistakes

We always tell ourselves that we'll never marry our mistake. The sad part is, sometimes we continuously make the same error by choosing the same type of person that we promise our self we won't associate with again. That is not progress. Repetition of mistakes shows a lack of growth.  Yes, no one should go around thinking that all men or women are the same because they are not, but some people may have similar patterns that you are blindly attractive to because you are familiar with them. That is why it is important to know what qualities you are looking for in a person and not just say you are looking for a different person.

Sometimes our flaws can be our greatest enemy. It is important that you invest time in working on yourself as well. Never think of yourself as being the perfect person. You are but not to other people. We all have flaws because flaws make us unique but if your flaw is channeling negativity, it's a possibility you may get a negative feedback from others.

heart_Marriage Not for Everybody. Photo by Natoya Yarde

Meaning of Marriage

When you’re thinking about whether marriage is for you or not, you need to think about what it means; what it represents and if you can see yourself supporting that option. Would you dive into a deep pool if you could not swim or even hold your breath? The answer is no.  Sounds like committing suicide, doesn’t it?  Before drifting off into fantasy land and imagining the perfect marriage life, do some research. Google search is free. Also, ask people questions. Ask your friends and family members, especially the married ones about marriage and reason why they would encourage others to consider getting married. Ask your pastor if you go to church.

After researching, think about what marriage means and what it represents to you. Contemplate on whether it suits the lifestyle you want to live.  Obviously, if you want to have babies with a million different people or you want to indulge in a lifestyle of adultery, marriage is not for you; unless you are in some form of polygamy marriage.

wedding ornament_Marriage Not for Everybody. Photo by Natoya Yarde

Let Go Time Consumers

There are times when there is a dilemma because a couple has a disagreement on marriage. For instance, it could be a situation where one person wants to get married, and the other person doesn't. Time is of the essence, waiting for someone to marry you that don't want to, may never happen. If you had the conversation several times and the answer was no, then the answer may remain the same in the future. You have plenty options. There are:

  • You can stop wasting your time with them and find somebody who would put a ring on it.
  • Settle for the fact that marriage won’t be happening. However, you see yourself spending the rest of your life with them. So it doesn't matter.
  • Whatever other options that you can create in your mind. That is all in your decision making.

Just remember that you cannot get back the time and energy wasted on someone who does not want what you need. Also, note that we are not immortal and we age. So the clock is ticking.

watch_Marriage Not for Everybody. Photo by Natoya Yarde

Different Happy Endings

In all fairytale stories, the prince and the princess live happily ever after. The end. In reality,  that is not the end. That’s the beginning. Besides the possibility of newlyweds paying off a fifty thousand dollar loan on a possibly two thousand dollar salary, they also have to keep the spice in the relationship. They need to make sure that their communication channels don’t have any static among many things.  Marriage is not as easy to walk away like you would if you were just in a relationship.  Walking away could result in counselling, separation, divorce that cost more money, emotional pain and mental disturbance.  That is why it is important to have other elements in your reality story, don't make it all about love for someone else. Think about yourself too. You don’t need to run off into the sunset with a husband or wife, just because you have one.  You have plenty options. Always tell yourself that. You can run off into the sunset with an exciting career. Spend time with your family and friends or even invent something that makes a difference to the world. That’s an unpredictable fairytale ending not yet written.

Book_Marriage Not for Everybody. Photo by Natoya Yarde

Straight Up!!!

The whole point of this blog post is, instead of thinking about the temporary events like a wedding and all the fancy stuff that marriage has to offer, you really should think about if your partner is right for you and vice versa. Research whether you understand the meaning of marriage and what it represents. Dig deep in finding what you need in a potential spouse. Respect what your partner wants and how it will affect you if it’s not in sync with what you need. Make compromise an option. Don't waste time trying to change anybody because you might end up regretting it later on in life. Make sure that you can live with your imperfect self before requesting someone else to put up with you. Things change, you change, and people change. So right now the answer to marriage might be no because you or your partner need to do some more soul searching and mental work. Get to work!! If the answer is yes, then you should know what is next. Remember, when you deposit time in somebody, and they are wasting it, don’t continue to allow them to do so. Don't be afraid to pull the plug if you have to.

Glass_Marriage Not for Everybody. Photo by Natoya Yarde

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The Birth of Creativity

Creativity, some people are born with the ability to be creative. They never have a dull moment in doing so while others have a moment where they can’t do anything. They have something like writer’s block and may need a little push in the right direction. This written piece is for those who want to create but just can’t due to that block or simple procrastination. Think about what caused you to be creative in the first place and what makes you so unique.

The Academic Setting

There are times that school can suffocate your creativity as an artist. Many professors are required to teach you theories where they want you to follow the guidelines of a particular artist, theorist or even psychiatrist. It's easy to follow other people, but the flaw is it can lead you into becoming a closed-minded artist. That is why it is important to keep a balance in being unique, open-minded and acknowledging the perspectives of what people want you to follow and believe.

Good grades can help you graduate but finding your voice leads to greatness. Don’t worry about breaking the rules. In fact, challenge the rules if you have the opportunity to and break them with great reason. When you have no reason for your artistic actions, you may be challenged by your pairs and professors because they want to understand the content more. The most important part besides the artwork is knowing why you created what you created.

Bring Passion

Creativity needs a particular element to come to life. That element is like the umbilical cord of creativity which keeps you going and makes you stronger while educating and leading you on your journey in life. That element is passion. Being passionate is a necessity, its oxygen. Sometimes, other people do a great job at discouraging you because they either disagree or they're jealous. Yes, it feels good to have someone love your talent as much as you do but you should never let that be the reason that you are motivated to create. Your motivation needs to come from being passionate about something you believe.

No More Procrastination

If you want to be creative, you can’t just sit and defer. You can’t keep postponing what you need to do and what you plan on creating. Art does not create itself; right? You need to dedicate yourself to creating your artwork. Stop making excuses for yourself and get to work. Think about that time when someone asked you what you were doing with your life, and you told that person that you’re writing a novel. The sad part is, that's the same novel you haven't completed since five years ago. So when are you going to publish it? That’s the next question the person will ask you. What will be your answer? Do you think that Shaggy, Bob Marley and Sean Paul became great artists overnight? They had to be in the studio to sing and record; no one did it for them. These people had to work hard in pursuing their dreams. It’s now or never for all of us. Stop delaying what you need to do. Get up and do something, give it a try, you won’t regret your effort.

Don’t Get Anxious

Finally, you need patience. Yes, patience. Sometimes you have to design one hundred tea cups to make the perfect one. They are many reasons why an artist would feel like giving up at times. Most of the time, it’s the fact that most people don’t take us seriously. Trying to perfect something which is costing you time and money while you’re making no money is very frustrating. If creating is just about making money for you and you don’t find it to be feasible, then you should go ahead and quit if you want to. If it’s more about you creating what you believe to be part of your destiny, then you need to rebuke all negative thoughts and be patient. The essence of patience involves being persistent and learning from your mistakes. After learning what your mistakes are, work on correcting them until you give birth to that creative work.

Time for Creativity

Sitting awake in dreamland will not put you in labour and allow you to give birth to your artwork. You need to know what you want to do and be open-minded about how you are going to create. Kill all the barriers and limits because they’ll only stop you from producing your full potential. You need to be passionate about whatever you choose to create and invest in being dedicated to it while being patient as you allow yourself to learn and grow as a creative person.