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Some people imagine getting married and running off into the sunset like in a fairytale. It's ok to imagine, but people shouldn’t let their imagination be the reason why they’re getting married. The truth is, not everyone will have the opportunity or displeasure of getting married because marriage is not for everybody. So before becoming one with someone you need to become one with yourself. There are many questions you need to ask yourself such as do you know what marriage is and can you put up with your partner's flaws for the rest of your life?
We always tell ourselves that we'll never marry our mistake. The sad part is, sometimes we continuously make the same error by choosing the same type of person that we promise our self we won't associate with again. That is not progress. Repetition of mistakes shows a lack of growth. Yes, no one should go around thinking that all men or women are the same because they are not, but some people may have similar patterns that you are blindly attractive to because you are familiar with them. That is why it is important to know what qualities you are looking for in a person and not just say you are looking for a different person.
Sometimes our flaws can be our greatest enemy. It is important that you invest time in working on yourself as well. Never think of yourself as being the perfect person. You are but not to other people. We all have flaws because flaws make us unique but if your flaw is channeling negativity, it's a possibility you may get a negative feedback from others.
Meaning of Marriage
When you’re thinking about whether marriage is for you or not, you need to think about what it means; what it represents and if you can see yourself supporting that option. Would you dive into a deep pool if you could not swim or even hold your breath? The answer is no. Sounds like committing suicide, doesn’t it? Before drifting off into fantasy land and imagining the perfect marriage life, do some research. Google search is free. Also, ask people questions. Ask your friends and family members, especially the married ones about marriage and reason why they would encourage others to consider getting married. Ask your pastor if you go to church.
After researching, think about what marriage means and what it represents to you. Contemplate on whether it suits the lifestyle you want to live. Obviously, if you want to have babies with a million different people or you want to indulge in a lifestyle of adultery, marriage is not for you; unless you are in some form of polygamy marriage.
Let Go Time Consumers
There are times when there is a dilemma because a couple has a disagreement on marriage. For instance, it could be a situation where one person wants to get married, and the other person doesn't. Time is of the essence, waiting for someone to marry you that don't want to, may never happen. If you had the conversation several times and the answer was no, then the answer may remain the same in the future. You have plenty options. There are:
- You can stop wasting your time with them and find somebody who would put a ring on it.
- Settle for the fact that marriage won’t be happening. However, you see yourself spending the rest of your life with them. So it doesn't matter.
- Whatever other options that you can create in your mind. That is all in your decision making.
Just remember that you cannot get back the time and energy wasted on someone who does not want what you need. Also, note that we are not immortal and we age. So the clock is ticking.
Different Happy Endings
In all fairytale stories, the prince and the princess live happily ever after. The end. In reality, that is not the end. That’s the beginning. Besides the possibility of newlyweds paying off a fifty thousand dollar loan on a possibly two thousand dollar salary, they also have to keep the spice in the relationship. They need to make sure that their communication channels don’t have any static among many things. Marriage is not as easy to walk away like you would if you were just in a relationship. Walking away could result in counselling, separation, divorce that cost more money, emotional pain and mental disturbance. That is why it is important to have other elements in your reality story, don't make it all about love for someone else. Think about yourself too. You don’t need to run off into the sunset with a husband or wife, just because you have one. You have plenty options. Always tell yourself that. You can run off into the sunset with an exciting career. Spend time with your family and friends or even invent something that makes a difference to the world. That’s an unpredictable fairytale ending not yet written.
The whole point of this blog post is, instead of thinking about the temporary events like a wedding and all the fancy stuff that marriage has to offer, you really should think about if your partner is right for you and vice versa. Research whether you understand the meaning of marriage and what it represents. Dig deep in finding what you need in a potential spouse. Respect what your partner wants and how it will affect you if it’s not in sync with what you need. Make compromise an option. Don't waste time trying to change anybody because you might end up regretting it later on in life. Make sure that you can live with your imperfect self before requesting someone else to put up with you. Things change, you change, and people change. So right now the answer to marriage might be no because you or your partner need to do some more soul searching and mental work. Get to work!! If the answer is yes, then you should know what is next. Remember, when you deposit time in somebody, and they are wasting it, don’t continue to allow them to do so. Don't be afraid to pull the plug if you have to.
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